Are you nervous about Parent-Teacher Conferences? You’re not alone!
After 15 years, I’ve met so many parents who were so nervous about their child’s conference. Heck, I’m a parent also and I’ve been nervous! Most of the time, conferences are smooth sailing, but what do you do if you have to talk about something that you don’t agree with? How do you approach a teacher who’s methods you don’t understand? I’m here to de-mystify conferences and give you the right words to help make an impact for your child.
[convertkit form=2002010]Four Simple Steps to A Successful Conference
I have had thousands of Parent-Teacher conferences over the past 15 years. I’ve sat on both sides of the table and I’m here to tell you that it’s not always easy but we can always find a way to help your child succeed or be more challenged! Not only that, but it can be done in 4 easy steps:
1 ~ Be Prepared
2 ~ The Booked method
3 ~ Be open to the other side of the story
4 ~ Re-state or re-book
With these 4 steps, you’ll be ready to tackle any challenge at your child’s conference. While I can’t guarantee that you’ll walk out with the solution you were hoping for, I can guarantee that getting the conversation started is half the battle!
Step 1 ~ Be Prepared
If you have concerns regarding what’s happening in class, you need to be prepared with specific examples and questions. While you might not believe it, you are actually the one in charge of the parent-teacher conference. (You even come first in the name!) Most teachers will ask if you have any questions before they get started and this is where you NEED to know exactly what you WANT to know.
If you don’t steer the direction of the conference, you won’t get your questions answered. Don’t worry about this seeming rude, teachers expect parents to ask questions if they have any! Use the example in the next step or my Conference Talking Points Template in my resource library to help you get started.
Click here to get the password for my resource library!Step 2 ~ The Bookend Method
Are you listening? Seriously, I need you to put down the coffee and turn of the TV because this one section might change your life.
The Bookend Method (I don’t know if it has a real name, I just made that up!) is the best way that I know to actually get results when you want them. It works in any situation, not just parent-teacher conferences, so feel free to apply it anywhere (I use it to negotiate lower bills and all kinds of other things!). Here’s how it works:
- Start with a sincere compliment. Your child’s teacher works really hard and deals with 30 kids all day so you can find something to say thank you for.
- State your concern.
- End with a positive statement about their character.
- Have a call to action in the form of a question
Here’s how it might go:
“I want to start by saying thank you so much for all of the time you obviously take making each child feel important in the classroom. That being said, I’m a little concerned because Molly seems to be struggling in math and she’s saying that she’s asking for help but is still not getting it. I know that you really care about her and her success. How can we work together to make sure that math goes better for her the rest of the year?”
There is not a teacher I know (and I know hundreds) who wouldn’t respond positively to this. Remember though, this situation might not be fully resolved in one 15 minute conference so please have realistic expectations! Feel free to use my Conference Talking Points Template in the freebie library to help you frame this step.
Are you listening? Seriously, I need you to put down the coffee and turn of the TV because this one section might change your life.
The Bookend Method (I don’t know if it has a real name, I just made that up!) is the best way that I know to actually get results when you want them. It works in any situation, not just a parent-teacher conference so feel free to apply it anywhere (I use it to negotiate lower bills and all kinds of other things!). Here’s how it works:
- Start with a sincere compliment. Your child’s teacher works really hard and deals with 30 kids all day so you can find something to say thank you for.
- State your concern.
- End with a positive statement about their character.
- Have a call to action in the form of a question
Here’s how it might go:
“I want to start by saying thank you so much for all of the time you obviously take making each child feel important in the classroom. That being said, I’m a little concerned because Molly seems to be struggling in math and she’s saying that she’s asking for help but is still not getting it. I know that you really care about her and her success. How can we work together to make sure that math goes better for her the rest of the year?”
There is not a teacher I know (and I know hundreds) who wouldn’t respond positively to this. Remember though, this situation might not be fully resolved in one 15 minute conference so please have realistic expectations! Feel free to use my Conference Talking Points Template in the freebie library to help you frame this step.
Step 3 ~ Be open to the other side of the story
A teacher I worked with my first year had this saying at the bottom of her emails; “I’ll believe only half of what they tell me happens at home if you believe only half of what they tell you happens at school.”
Now, before you get upset with me that I’m calling your kid a liar, I’m not! In fact, what you child comes home to tell you is the truth in their eyes. They only see the situation from one aspect, how it affects them. It’s very true that there are two sides to every story and you need to be open to hearing the teacher’s point of view if there is going to be any success in resolving the situation.
Make sure that you are clear in what you heard and what your concerns are… but then listen with open ears and an open heart to what the teacher has to say. Most of the time, you won’t have to unleash your inner mama bear! (I’m not saying you never will… I unleashed once and it wasn’t pretty, but it was justified)
[convertkit form=2002010]Step 4 ~ Re-State and Re-Book
Once you have come to some agreement on the solution (and that might be that the teacher will think it over and get back to you). You need to re-state the expectations of both parties and then there needs to be an agreed upon follow up. Most of the time this can be accomplished in the form of an email so there’s no need to book another parent-teacher conference. It’ll sound something like this:
“Okay, so we’re going to work with Molly on her multiplication facts at home and you’re going to send us some activities that we can do with her to help with that. Then in three weeks we’ll email you to see how it’s going. Does this sound right?”
I recommend that you are the ones to send the three week email, this way it shows the teacher you aren’t relying on him/her to do all of the follow up, that you’re as invested in the situation as they are and really want to be partners.
That’s it! Your Insider’s Guide to Having a Successful Conference!
To recap, here’s what we did:
- Be Prepared
- The Bookend Method
- Be open to the other side
- Re-State and Re-book
I’ve created a simple Conference Talking Points Template that you can use to help you prepare for the conference. You can access it in my Resource Library for free with the password.
I can’t wait to hear how this helps your conferences! If you found this super helpful, please share it on social media and pin it! Drop a comment below to let me know your successes!
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