Every year parents ask me what they can do to help their child be more prepared for middle school. Every year it’s the same answer… teach them to advocate for themselves when they don’t understand. It’s important that you know how to teach your child to ask for help in school.
For some reason, asking for help is something that humans shy away from. In our house, it was because he didn’t want the teachers to think he was dumb. Whatever the reason, this is the number one skill that you can help your child develop that will directly contribute to their success in school.
Want quick guide to helping your child ask for help? I have one in my Freebie Resource Library! Click below for the password!
Do This Before They Move to Middle School!
Here’s why: In elementary school, students are tested for their math and reading levels. They are then put into small groups based on what they need to move forward. Teachers are able to more closely monitor students and know what help they need to keep growing. They see about 30 students for seven hours a day and they’re pretty good at knowing what kids need help with.
In Middle School, teachers have about 120 – 160 students that they see about one hour a day. This means that they don’t have the same amount of time to devote to each student. They can tell that a student is struggling if they’re getting bad grades, but unless a student tells them they’d like some help it’s really hard for them to know. (Please know that I’m not knocking middle school teachers here. I married one! Middle school is a difficult level to teach and there are just so many students that you have to be careful.)
Students who develop the skill of asking for help are more likely to do better in school than those who do not. Here’s how to help your child ask for help in school:
1 ~ Ask them about their day.
Not just in the “how was your day?” Be more specific, asking questions like “What did you do in Math today?” This will help you to determine if they feel lost or frustrated.
2 ~ Help them identify why they are lost or frustrated
When your child feels lost or frustrated in class, see if you can help them to pinpoint what they don’t understand. Is there a specific problem they worked on today that they didn’t understand? Did they read the directions?
3 ~ Encourage them to email their teacher
If they are able to recognize that they don’t understand, then encourage them to email their teacher and ask for help. In the past I used to say that they should ask their teacher before class, but that doesn’t always work out well. Sometimes teachers are getting ready for the class and are short with the child. For your child, that translates to “my teacher hates me and won’t help me”. This is not the case, but now getting your child to ask that teacher for help is nearly impossible. If this happens, this is the point where you would email the teacher and politely explain what happened. It’s okay to tell them that your kiddo now thinks that the teacher doesn’t like them and doesn’t want to help them. The teacher will most times reach out to your child and fix the situation.
By emailing the teacher, you are able to help your child write the email. The teacher has the opportunity of reading it and scheduling time to help them. Email also helps students who are shy gain more confidence because they see that the teacher does truly care and that it’s okay to ask for help.
4 ~ This isn’t just for school!
This doesn’t just apply to academics. Often in middle school, kids have trouble navigating friendships and new feelings of romance. When they know who to ask for help and that they can reach out to their school counselor to help with these kinds of things, it opens up a new adult that can support them. My one caution on this is that you make sure you are aware of how much time they’re missing class to solve these problems. I have had many students who do this to avoid going to classes that they don’t like or find difficult.
Navigating the transition to middle school is scary for parents (most of the time students are excited also so it’s not as bad for them). The best thing you can do is begin building up a habit of advocating and asking questions. It’s best to encourage your student to try to solve their problems before you get involved. This shows them that you believe they are capable of handling it, which boosts their confidence! Middle school is NOT easy. Sorry, but I’ve promised to always be real with you. It’s some of the hardest years you’ll have as a parent. Giving your child one tool that they can use to help themselves is truly a blessing that will last forever!
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